Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
