Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
