Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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