just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you inspire me to be a worse person
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
