maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
