I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
