You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
