The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
