Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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