i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
