The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
