awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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