i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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