ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
