you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
