im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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