When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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