I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
