I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
