this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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