when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
