oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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