Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
