If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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