ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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