sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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