He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
