He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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