sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
