a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."