put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.