Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van