Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night