If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
