I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
