Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
