You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
