Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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