You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
