I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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