I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
