if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
