Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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