Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
