guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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