Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
