The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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