i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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