Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
