He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
