We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
