I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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