i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
