Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
