why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
