He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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