I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
