I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
