and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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