i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.