I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it