im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So squirting runs in the family.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....