My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am