If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
